BIG BOOK OF... REVIEWS II
When I went to Another Dimension comics to pick up the latest issue of
Transmetropolitan, I couldn't resist
having a gander at the display of Big Books from Paradox Press, an imprint of DC Comics.
If you read the first review, you'll know that Big Books
are written by one or two authors and each story is illustrated by a different DC artist.
It was a tough decision, but after finding that The Big Book of Losers was delightfully
intertwined with The Big Book of Scandal!, I decided to buy both.
Losers was published in 1997 and authored by Paul Kirchner. I never thought loserdom could
encompass so many subtopics or people. For example, some people are losers by fate, such as the
man whose wife accidently burned their life savings which he had hidden in the oven.
Some people are victims of sore losers, such as the man who beat a woman to death after she commented
that he looked like Howdy Doody. Some losers never know they're losers, like the couple who lived beside
a burial mound filled with treasure. The name of the hill literally meant "golden hill", and they never thought to
investigate why it was called that! Then some people are born losers - such as the man who was whanging
mailboxes leaning out the window of his pick up truck - when his head got caught in one and he was pulled out of the window.
He died.
The most obvious losers occur in the world of sports and politics. These are the best sections. Eerily enough, the
sportswriter who tried to shield his head from an oncoming 16 lb. hammer with his clipboard looks a lot like HST.
Out of the political section, James Garfield is the only president not to have some sort of
scandal involved. Subtitled "Martyr to Medicine", Garfield died after a small bullet wound was turned into
a huge, festering one by several incompetant doctors.
Of course, you don't have to be human to be a loser. There are loser products as well, such as the paper dress, the women's
urinal, the picturephone (gives a whole new meaning to obscene callers I guess!) and New Coke. There are loser
productions like the musical version of Carrie (haha!) and movie theatre effects like Smell-o-vision.
Losers carries on the myth-busting tradition with tales of Captain Kidd (a god-fearing man whose crew mutinied, then his
English backers refused to come to his defense), R.J. Reynold's smokeless cigarettes (R.J.R. literally admitted that
smoking smokes were bad) and George Armstrong Custer (most of his men killed themselves rather than be killed by
Indians).
While most of the stories are well known, most of them are pretty obscure, such as the never give up Cherry Sisters,
or Alfred Eli Breach's pneumatic subway. Perhaps the most fascinating story is that of Richard Hastleton, a young
man who lived in the 16th century. He set out at sea only to man the oars on a slave ship. Three years later, he survived a shipwreck.
Unfortunately, he landed on the shores of Spain during the Inquisition. He refused to renounce his faith and
was imprisoned for a year. By sheer luck, he escaped, only to be recaptured 12 days later. He escaped two days later, set
out to sea again in a small boat...where a storm took him to the Gulf of Bejata. He was again enslaved, doing carpentry.
Dressed as an Arab, he escaped to Algiers...only to run into the captain of the ship he was first enslaved upon!
However, his family sooned learned about his plight, and after another three years of working the oars, he was rescued by
the British. Ten years after that he was finally a winner, reuniting with his family in London.
The Big Book of Scandal! was written by Jonathan Vankin and also put out in 1997.
Possibly a much easier book to write, Scandal! is divided into four logical chapters,
"Tawdry Tinseltown", "Society Sleaze", "Politics as Usual" and
"Dirty Business".
There's a Generation of Swine feel to the last two chapters. In fact, you'll find all your favourite gonzo
friends: Clarence Thomas, a number of "Pants-Free Presidents", Roxanne Pulitzer, the whole Watergate gang,
George Bush and Robert Mitchum.
Just when you thought you couldn't stand to see another word on Charlie and Diana or O.J. Simpson, or *gasp* Michael Jackson,
here comes Scandal! to put a fresh spin on these much repeated tales. It's hard not to laugh
at subjects the media took so seriously as "hard news" when the artists stretch and manipulate
the central figures into hilarious caricatures.
Scandal! acts as a sort of history book too. For example, the earlier stories in the book are from a time
when oral sex was still illegal. Nowadays, it would take a heck of a lot more to arouse the public interest.
My favourites stories are those about the fall of the TV preachers Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggert.
These are beyond belief! The best frame is in the Jim Bakker one, where, holding a vibrator, Bakker tells
Tammy: "If God didn't want us to use vibrators, he wouldn't have invented batteries....Praise the Lord!"
I mentioned before that these two books are intertwined. Many of the same people appear in both: the Watergate gang,
James Garfield (first known prez to commit adultery!) for example. Both books have the lush elements of
public figures falling either by fate or by their own actions - ruined careers, murderous intentions, shady dealings - it's just
so much more interesting to read in comic book form :-)
LOL lest one suspects me of working for DC, who also
has the imprint of Vertigo Comics which publishes Transmetropolitan,
I don't.
